Speaking my language

This is the first day of the Love Blog Challenge,
hosted by the lovely BelleBrita.
Prompt for 2/1: The Five Love Languages.

theWayWeExpressLoveGary Chapman has created a whole world based on five different ways in which people feel the most loved. The languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch

It’s a beautiful idea – understanding how the way we express love to and for each other makes a difference.

I did take the quiz to find my love language, a quick study in which you pick which statement from a series of pairs is the closest to what you like or enjoy or appreciate the most. But I didn’t really have to. I figured out over the years that what makes my heart beat fast is hearing words of affirmation.

I am a little skeptical of those online assessments.  For the most part, they attempt to tell you something important about yourself that is more complex than what can be determined in 10 minutes.

Nevertheless, far and away, words of affirmation came up as my #1. Which makes it sound like I’m convinced everything I do is great.

For the record, not so.

I believe speaking even in the perfect language will sound hollow and weak if it is either insincere or overplayed.

Take, for example, meal prep. I’m a sort of meh cook. I’m not adventurous in the kitchen. I don’t experiment with spice combinations or search through gourmet magazines for the next exciting dinner presentation. Even my best dishes fall short of Oh, you should open a bed-and-breakfast. 

No, you don’t have to gush. It’s all good. Nobody starves, everybody gets what they need that tastes just fine.

My strawberry cupcakes on the other hand? Duh-LISH-us and beautiful. Magazine cover quality. People stand in line for them.

And when I make them, my love language expectations kick in fast and deep. Tim always, always, ALWAYS makes a big fuss about them. As do others, which makes me feel quite royal and appreciated – and loved.

The same is true when he edits my blog posts or when I show him a hand-crafted book or card I have made for someone special. Yes, please make a big deal – those things are important to me.

Keeping the kitchen clean or serving in the nursery need no mention. Speaking at church? Yes, bring it on. It’s not that I think I’m ready for the lecture tour – I just want him to think I’m the bees knees. I want him to be proud of me for doing something I love to do. That it’s worthy of my time and his attention.

I also don’t think it matters one bit what your love language is – you CAN get too much of a good thing. Too much help in a small space, too many gifts to use or enjoy, too much time just hanging around (hovering?) or please, honey, we really can’t hold hands during dinner.

But when your Love knows your language and speaks it at exactly the right time, good golly, Miss Molly. It’s just the best. Of the best.

My lovelies, we all know there is a lot more that goes into loving someone than following the guidelines of one personality measure. We all know it is complicated and none of us get it right all the time (except for maybe Aunt Cindy and Uncle Doyne who could have run a master’s class on being married.)

But it sure doesn’t hurt to know what makes the heart of the one you love beat fast. And what makes the loves of your life know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you would go to the mat for them. Every single time.

Photo by Heather Ford on Unsplash

 

 

 

8 comments

  1. Yes, I think we all need the basic honesty (not patronizing) when receiving our language. In fact, I expect if it is our “language” we may be even *more* conscientious about the sincerity of the motion if it is in our language. Like if someone “gushed” when not sincere, you would probably even notice that more. Like my language is “acts of service” and I am always quick to preface to people, “You can say no” when I ask a favor. Because what’s impactful to me is that the person is giving how they want, honestly, and freely, otherwise I can take no “joy” from it. That’s kind of a ramble – but my point is, I agree!

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    1. Oh, I love your rambles. And yes, we can spot a phony a mile away, can’t we? I guess I’m no different. though. I’ll do things above and beyond for Tim, thinking it’s worthy of appreciation. I even adopt “the return in kind” mentality. Bleech.
      Thanks for your rambles and thoughts… xoxox

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  2. I love your point that if the words aren’t sincere, they’re just hollow and don’t mean much. It’s so true! I think that’s why I’ve never been a huge fan of Words of Affirmation. I actually feel like praises are hollow most of the time. Especially the simple “I love you” 5 times per day.

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    1. Yes, even the most accomplished actor shouldn’t try to fool us when it comes to love and sincerity. But It seems like hollow words and empty promises are the name of the game for our current culture, whether in personal relationships or on national platforms… *Claiming* to love, cherish, or care about people is too easy – we need people to say what they mean, mean what they say and do what they promise. Thanks for commenting… xoxox

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  3. It’s funny, my love language is also words of affirmation but I take no pleasure in being told how nice my dinner was, unless you’re my aunt who never said a positive thing about me in my entire life until we went to a Venetian restaurant in Chelsea and she says very audibly my food is better, why don’t I open a restaurant. However, if I’m feeling really low I need to be explicitly thanked even for something as basic as cleaning the bathroom or I’ll feel unloved, and sometimes I still feel unloved if I get told the word love but nothing else as it feels like the done thing. Even the same love language is different in different people, it really is no fool proof strategy for loving someone.

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    1. Hmmm I wonder if the need for love to be spoken in our language grows or diminishes based on how we are feeling? I wonder if it is true for everyone, all the time? Such good insight. And you bet, nothing’s fool-proof. Wow, we are all complicated and beautifully complex, aren’t we?… xoxox

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