Monthly Archives: July 2016

Can I just be done?

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janitordone-1357278_1280I was at Walmart, right in front near the checkouts and restrooms. Little Cutie-pa-tooty in the next lane was about six, jumping up and down in her flip-flops, with a pained and frantic look on her little face. Because there was a big yellow canvas cart in front of the door to the ladies’ room and even she knew what that meant.

As the cleaning lady came out to get something from the yellow cart, she didn’t appear particularly hurried or concerned. I guessed she was just following her schedule and the next thing was “maintenance to ladies’ restroom near checkouts.”

But it was noon – on a busy Friday. A time when we all think they need more checkers and open restrooms.

A time when everything should be ready – not getting ready.

I was tempted to go in and ask if it was okay for a little girl to use the bathroom, even if she wasn’t done cleaning. But I didn’t. And I watched several more women walk up to the door, stop abruptly, and walk away as casually as possible.

I was so anxious for that little one and wanted to fix it. And I was so annoyed at Walmart’s poor scheduling practices.

The third time the cleaner came out, I couldn’t resist. Are you almost finished?

She said very quietly, I’m done.

Whew! Cutie rushed in and all was well with the world.

Oh, thank goodness. I could finally relax.

I finished checking out, collected my purchases and walked past two employees talking at the Service Center. I heard one say, “Yeah, some lady threw up in there… twice!

Oh good golly, Miss Molly.

No wonder the cleaning lady was working slowly, methodically. She wasn’t distracted or unconcerned at all. She was probably trying not to get sick herself. She was probably doing the very best she could under what is possibly the worst Ladies’ Restroom Maintenance Emergency. Ugh.

Nancy K. You know better. You’ve done this before and you know better.

You immediately went “there.”

There. The place where I know all about it and draw the completely wrong conclusion – in so many ways. The place where I’m righteously judgmental and indignant about the callousness of others. The place where I keep getting it wrong… but keep going back.

Jeepers creepers. And good golly. I keep going back!

I’m not the only one who returns to those places that are dark. The places where I’m blind and wrong. The places I swear I won’t revisit, only to find myself returning at the slightest provocation or difficult situation. You have places like that, don’t you? They are irresistible.

Darn it.

But, thank you, Jesus, for repeated and abundant forgiveness and grace. Thank you for gently reminding us that we don’t know it all and it’s not all about us. That we should be a little closer to Humility and a little quicker to share that abundant forgiveness and grace.

And when it comes to going There? We need to just say very quietly, “I’m done.”

 

Thank you, Jesus, for gently reminding us that we don’t know it all and it’s not all about us. Click to Tweet

 

 

 

We don’t always match up

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So, being brave. Let’s continue the conversation. connect-316638_1280

What it will mean to be uncomfortable? What will it look like? feel like?

As a writer, does it mean “outspoken”? Does it mean that I write and say things that may shock my family and friends? Does it mean that I write and say things that may elicit disparaging words about my intelligence – or my mother – from complete strangers. Does it mean that I write what I think?

Through the words of many saints and prophets, God shows us brave: We are to have a spirit not of fear but of power and love. We are to stand firm in the faith. We are to live strong and courageous.

And this, right here, this is where it gets sketchy. Because we are all called to live out our callings and to live strong and courageous. We. All of us. But …

Let’s be honest. All of our callings don’t always match up.

I checked with the saints and prophets. Here’s the message: “Do not quarrel over opinions.” (Or just “Get over yourselves.”)

Good golly, Miss Molly.

It doesn’t say don’t talk about tough topics. It doesn’t say we have to agree about everything or that we can’t stand up for what we believe to be true.

It does say “don’t quarrel.”

As in, “Stop it. You’ve got opinions, sure. But stop the bickering and name-calling. Stop the judging. Stop looking for the fight. Stop tearing down. Get over yourselves. Just stop it.”

I still don’t know exactly what brave is or what it does. But I do know what it isn’t and what it doesn’t.

Brave isn’t loud and it doesn’t try to shout you down.

Brave isn’t cocky and it doesn’t brag.

Brave isn’t condescending and it doesn’t call names or judge.

As I find my own brave and practice it and embrace it, those of you who know me well may be surprised. It may seem too loud. It may sound like bragging. I’ll probably get it wrong or crooked.

But I don’t want to be weak or comfortable any more. I want to have a fearless spirit full of power and love. I want to stand firm in the faith. I want to live strong and courageous.

I want to be brave.

 

I checked with the saints and prophets. Here’s the message:”Do not quarrel over opinions.Get over yourselves.” Click to Tweet